Finding NeverEd
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: A parody of Peter Pan. Eddy creates his own Neverland in Rolf's shed. Although it seems like it works after the kids are sedated by the paint fumes, the Kankers have been plotting to take them down!
1. It's a Scam

(To the tune of "The Second Star to the Right")

Chorus: **_Down in Peach Creek's Cul-De-Sac_**

_**Lives Ed, Edd, and Eddy**_

_**Each night for all the scams they plan**_

_**They all get ready**_

_**Down in Peach Creek's Cul-De-Sac**_

_**Kids all come out and play**_

_**Despite being in suburbs they still**_

_**Have adventures all day**_

_**Writer's block gets in the way**_

_**But it soon leaves when they say,**_

"_**If we stop and concentrate**_

_**We'll find a scam that is great"**_

_**And when that scam comes around**_

_**No money's given back**_

_**Because no one's ripped off**_

_**In Peach Creek's Cul-De-Sac**_

Ed, Double D, and Eddy were having a sleepover at Eddy's house. Eddy sadly gazed out the window, thinking hard. "I can't believe it! I can't think of a good scam! Why did our last one bomb again?"

"You mean the fireworks show?" sighed Double D. "Eddy, we had no idea what we were doing and we almost killed everyone!"

"What a day!" breathed Ed.

"Well, this stinks!" complained Eddy. "I'm not going to sleep 'till we think of something!"

"I put soap on my shadow," suggested Ed.

Double D yawned. "Eddy, it's really late. Can we think of something in the morning?"

"I can't!" cried Eddt. "I've got the urge to do a scam! The best scam ever!"

(To the tune of "You Can Fly" NOTE: The first part is spoken, like in the movie)

Double D: Well, Eddy, what do YOU intend we do?

Eddy: Something simple...all we have to do is...to...to...to think of the simplest scam!

Ed: Any simple little scam?

Double D: Like selling small toys?

Ed: Maybe food?

Eddy: That's right, we're all in the mood

We've all gotta scam!

Gotta scam!

Double D: Gotta scam!

Ed: Gotta scam!

Eddy: Let's think of stuff kids like...

Double D: I'll think of a movie I've seen

A cartoon from the screen

Ed: A fairy tale 'bout a man?

Eddy: No, a boy like Peter Pan!

Double D: That could lead us to a jam...

Eddy: No, it's a scam, it's a scam, it's a scaaaaaaammmm!

(Eddy trips and falls on his face)

Eddy: Don't laugh yet, you won't regret!

I tell ya, once this thing is planned

We'll have our own Neverland!

Double D: Neverland?

Ed: For tender boys like us!

Eddy: Not THAT Neverland...All we need right now is paint

Strong stuff that could make you faint

Double D: Eddy, that sounds too toxic

Eddy: I tell ya, it does the trick!

Ed: Yeah! It's a scam!

Double D: It's a scam?

Eddy: It's a scam! Come on, everybody! Here we go! Off to Neverland!

(Eddy grabs Double D and Ed and jumps out the window)

Double D: How is this simple?!

Chorus: **_Think of a wonderful scam_**

_**Any merry little scam **_

_**When you find it, you will grin**_

_**The cash will be piling in**_

_**You will have a grand slam**_

_**It's a scam, it's a scam, it's a scam!**_

_**Think of the candy you'll get**_

_**Jawbreakers, better yet**_

_**If you hope and if you try**_

_**It's off the ground and in the sky**_

_**Shove in all you can cram**_

_**Oh, it's a scam, it's a scam, it's a scam!**_

_**Off you go with a high and ho**_

_**To a shed behind Rolf's place**_

_**Soon Neverland, and what a place**_

_**Is staring you in the face**_

_**With vines drooping down like silk lace**_

_**When you're a determined Ed**_

_**You make wonderlands of sheds**_

_**Think of all the joy you'll find**_

_**When there's money on your mind**_

_**Don't think 'bout or exam**_

_**It's a scam, it's a scam, it's a scam, it's a scam!**_

Eddy stopped outside of Rolf's shed. "Here it is, boys...Neverland! Grab that paint, Double D! The night awaits!"

"We found Neverland!" cheered Ed. "Just like Johnny Depp!"

Double D yawned again. "No pop culture this late, Ed..."

Chorus: **_When you're a determined Ed_**

_**You make wonderlands of sheds**_

_**Think of all the joy you'll find**_

_**When there's money on your mind**_

_**Don't think 'bout or exam**_

_**It's a scam, it's a scam, it's a scam, it's a scam**_

_**IT'S A SCAM!**_


	2. Let's Save Nazz

The Eds (led by Eddy, dressed as Peter Pan), meanwhile, lead the kids to Rolf's shed. The three boys wore gas masks.

"THIS is Neverland?" groaned Sarah.

"Impostors!" shouted Rolf. "This is Rolf's shed! If you have done anything to..."

Eddy cut him off. "Relax, relax. Go on in."

"Like," said Nazz, "why are you guys wearing gas masks?"

"Well, the paint we used is rather toxic," explained Double D. "Eddy, shouldn't ALL the kids wear..."

"Can't hear you!" cried Eddy.

"I am TinkerEd!" added Ed.

Eddy opened the shed's doors and threw the kids in. Instantly, the paint fumes took their toll. The kids' eyes went wide. Although the job the Eds did on "Neverland" was fairly shabby, it looked like the real thing under hallucinogenic fumes. The kids stared in awe and started babbling unintelligible language.

"Oh dear," fretted Double D. "Eddy, this could be dangerous."

Johnny stumbled by in a daze. "Look, Plank, real mushrooms!"

"Good lord, those mushrooms are real," whispered Double D.

"I love the fungus!" sang Ed.

Jimmy danced through the shed, yet he didn't seem to get anywhere in his current state. "Sarah, my dreams have come true! Pinch me! Eddy, where are the Indians?"

"First of all," said Eddy, "it's Peter Pan to you, and second...uh-oh." Eddy ran outside with Nazz. "Nazz! How would you like to play Tiger Lily?"

Nazz slowly began to come back to normal. "Play? What do you mean?"

Eddy remembered that she was still a bit woozy and thought Neverland was real. "Uh, the REAL Tiger Lily is busy. We need a good sub."

"Sure," agreed Nazz.

"Take this feather. I'll be back in a sec." Eddy ran in just as the Kankers crept out.

"There's that stupid Nazz chick," whispered May. "Where are the others?"

"I don't know," replied Lee. "Think it's worth getting her?"

Marie furiously nodded her head. "Duh! Of course! She'll tell us where to find the Eds!"

"Okay, everyone!" announced Eddy inside. It took a few seconds, but he managed to get the kids' attention. "Here comes Tiger Lily!" He opened the door to reveal nothing.

"She is invisible!" shouted Ed.

Double D leaned out to see the Kankers darting away holding Nazz. "Oh dear! What would the Kankers want with Nazz?"

Ed turned grim. "Those are not the Kankers! They are the Fly Girls from Pluto who want to recruit her into their foreign legion!"

"They must be pirates!" shouted a sedated Jimmy. The other zonked kids agreed and began to babble again.

"We must ban together and save her!" shouted Double D.

"And let everyone know the scam's a fake?" cried Eddy. "Never! Here's what we do! Distract the kids!" Eddy put everyone on a treadmill. "You all wanna see the Indians, right?"

"YEAH!" chorused the kids.

"Well, start walking." Eddy turned the treadmill on. The kids began to march.

_**We're following the leader, the leader, the leader...**_

Eddy walked outside with Double D. "That'll keep them busy."

"But where's Ed?" wondered Double D. They looked inside to see that their friend was marching on the treadmill as well, also singing.

"Leave him," shrugged Eddy. "He's better this way."

"Sadly, you may be correct," nodded Double D. "Come! Let's save Nazz!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finding the Kankers wasn't hard. They wouldn't have anywhere else to go but the trailer park. Of course, Double D and Eddy both secretly wished they would have to look around for them more, as they absolutely despised coming to the Kankers' hideout willingly. But the beautiful Nazz was in trouble, and although they weren't sure why, they assumed that was probably their fault.

The two silently crept through the woods and came to a clearing at the trailers to find Nazz tied up sitting in the dirt, surrounded by Kankers.

"Tell us where the Eds are!" shouted Lee.

Nazz refused. "You'll never get to Neverland!"

Marie grabbed Nazz and shook her. "Stop making up stories and TELL US!"

"What if they're hopelessly lost and Nazz went insane?" worried May.

Lee hesitated slapping May again. "You're being stupid. She's just lying to us."

"You know what we do to lying girls," warned Marie. "...other than ourselves."

"Eddy," moaned Double D, "our scam has worked all too well! What shall we do?!"

"Dress Ed in drag and pretend nothing happened," Eddy said quickly. He got up to leave.

"I'm appalled at you!" cried Double D, a bit too loudly. The Kankers all looked up, hearing him.

"It's our boyfriends!" squealed May.

Double D winced. "I'm also appalled at myself." The Kankers sprang at them.

"Where's Ed?" demanded May. "Is he really lost?"

Marie counted. "Yeah, there's only two of them!"

"Let's hold their heads under water till they talk!" ordered Lee.

"Don't give up!" called Nazz. "Call TinkerEd!"

"Oh, Nazz," sighed Double D, "if only you knew..."

Eddy brightened up. "Wait a second...my costume has weapons!" He pulled out something. "Time to get a sword to the...WHAT?! This is Plank!" He was holding the board of wood.

Double D rolled his eyes. "A wacky mix-up, I assume."

Eddy looked at Plank for a second. "Meh, couldn't hurt." He wacked the Kankers with Plank, buying them a few seconds.

Double D and Eddy dashed over to Nazz and untied her. She suddenly went into karate mode and began to attack the Kankers with surprising force. However, since Double D hid most of the time and Eddy occasionally waved Plank a little, so they were technically outnumbered.

Suddenly, they heard a ringing in the distance. Out of the bushes charged Victor straight at the Kankers. As the three sisters tried to escape the determined goat, Eddy, Nazz, and Double D ran for it, back towards "Neverland."


	3. The Kankers Strike Back!

A little later, Victor was still circling the Kankers, who were hiding up in a tree. Marie made a plan and jumped into the trailer via sunroof. She grabbed a cage (one they usually used on the Eds, of course) and headed outside to deal with the goat. He proved to be a surprisingly easy target, as he was occupied with keeping May and Lee quivering in the tree.

As Marie crept behind the goat, May began to sing more of "A Stalker's Life" to distract it:

_**Oh, a stalker's life is a wonderful life**_

_**But not when you're chased by goats**_

_**Our hopes are all shrinking but girls, I am thinking**_

_**That we really could use a boat!**_

Marie inched behind Victor and threw the cage over his head.

Lee climbed down. "Now that that's done, how do we get the Eds?"

"How do we FIND them?" exclaimed Marie. "We don't even know where they are!"

Lee and Marie grinned and turned to May. The youngest of the Kankers backed away. "Aww, don't make me...

"Get going, or we let the goat out!" threatened Lee.

With a nod, May ran off through the woods towards the Cul-De-Sac. "I'm going, I'm going!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Victoriously, Eddy led the way back to the shed, or "Neverland," as they would call it. He and Double D put on their gas masks and went inside, followed by Nazz.

Not to anyone's surprise, the kids were still on the treadmill, exhausted. They were still attempting to sing, but it came off as a mumbled blur. "We're following the leader...the leader...the leader..."

Ed, on the other hand, was feeling fine as ever and singing loud and clear. With a groan, Eddy turned off the treadmill. The kids kept walking and ending up falling all over each other.

"Is everybody ready to PARTY WITH TIGER LILY?" announced Eddy. The kids cheered.

Eddy and Ed whipped out a pair of drums and began to bang away as the kids danced. **_What made the red man red? What made the red man red?_**

Ed became caught up in the music. He got up and started dancing, eventually out the door. Eddy slammed it behind him.

"Should we go after him?" suggested Double D.

"He can take care of himself." Eddy went back to singing.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May was peeking in Jimmy's yard when she suddenly heard a burst of song coming from Rolf's place, followed by the slam of a door. Curious, she walked over to find Ed dancing down the street. With a smile, and a potato sack in her hand, she rushed in to grab him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marie and Lee were sitting on the cage holding Victor when May came rushing back, dragging Ed in the potato sack. She happily dumped him out. "See? I told you I could get him!"

"You never said anything," said Lee, probably rolling her eyes. It was hard to tell with her hair. "We made you go."

Marie wrapped an arm around Ed. "Better start talking, cutie. We ain't going nowhere."

"Yeah, sweetheart," added May, shoving Marie away so she could cuddle with Ed herself. "Where are the kids?"

"They are in Never, Neverland!" smiled Ed.

"Again with Neverland!" Lee threw her arms in the air. "It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!"

Ed was proud of himself. "I will never tell that Neverland is in Rolf's yard!"

"You're right, Ed," sneered Lee with a heavy dose of sarcasm that would make even Double D proud. "You're just too smart for us..."

A second later, Ed found himself sharing a cage with Victor. "Hello, Victor! My name is Ed!"

Under the setting sun, the cackling Kankers sprang off towards...Neverland.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back in the shed, Double D was becoming tired of "What Made the Red Man Red?" "Eddy, this song is very offensive! Might I play something, although far from historically accurate, a bit more tasteful?"

Eddy reluctantly agreed. Happily, Double D turned on a CD player which began to blare "Colors of the Wind." The sheer force of the sound was not good for the unstable Neverland. The shed shook, and the thick layers of paint peeled off the wall in an instant.

The kids stared in shock at what had once been a magical land. But now, there was nothing. They had been lied to. With a few insults towards Eddy and Double D, they all began to leave.

"Rolf gives you five minutes to evacuate his shed!" He slammed the door behind him.

Eddy sat down on what was left of his scam. "Well, at least they didn't ask for their money back..."

"Eddy," Double D said nervously, "we never asked for their money."

Instead of saying anything, Eddy simply fainted. "Why did they get so mad, then?"

"Well, think about it," said Double D. "They were exposed to hazardous chemicals at their expense."

(To the tune of "Your Mother and Mine")

_**We've failed again **_

_**We've failed again **_

_**I don't know quite what to say**_

_**But still, we...**_

Eddy groaned. "Stop with the singing. I just wanna be alone."

"I understand," said Double D. "Still, it's just another gap in the road. I'm sure it will be filled in by tomorrow." With that odd analogy, he walked out of the shed into the moonlit Cul-De-Sac.

The second Double D looked up after exiting, he saw with a shock that the Kankers were waiting outside, with a group of tied up kids! Before he could gasp, Marie grabbed him and Double D was quickly added to the bunch.

As May struggled to lug the kids away, Lee and Marie stayed behind. "Wanna grab the yappy one?" suggested Marie.

"Nah," said Lee. "We'll get him later. For now, let's just leave him a present."

"Oh, Eddy," thought Double D as he was carried away, "what will we do?"


	4. Onboard the Ship

Moonlight shone down on the creek. Sailing down the river was a matress-turned-pirate ship, that the Kankers had built themselves. And onboard, sat the kids, tied up in the center. The Kankers danced around them, singing a victory song.

(To the tune of "The Elegant Captain Hook")

Kankers: **_Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!_**

Marie and Lee: **_We've finally got all the kids_**

_**Prisoners of our lust**_

_**And starting with this**_

_**We are gonna kiss**_

_**The boys who belong to us**_

_**But the girls just disgust**_

May: **_Look at the guys that we've got_**

_**Good thing we girls are oh, so hot!**_

(Lee smacks May on the head)

Lee: **_But we're feeling nice anyhow_**

_**A freedom bell has rang**_

_**For the girls who we've captured now**_

_**Can join up in our gang**_

_**Admittedly, you'll be a creep**_

_**And that thought will not help you sleep**_

_**But remember, the creek is deep**_

Marie: **_You don't want to go there_**

May: **_You don't want to go there_**

Kankers: **_Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah_**

_**The boys are ours today**_

_**Like toys that we have to play**_

_**Even though they think that we're all jerks**_

_**They must admit that our plan worked**_

_**We're really not that dumb**_

_**Surrender and succumb!**_

Double D was at a loss for words. "What a...delightful...number."

"Okay," announced Lee, "first things first. We don't wanna deal with a bunch of other girls. The men are ours fair and square, so the ladies can just walk the plank!" The Kankers grabbed Nazz, Sarah, and Jimmy and pushed them towards the plank, which was actually Johnny's best friend.

"Don't step on Plank's face!" called Johnny.

"Stop!" cried Jimmy. "I'm not a girl!"

"Close enough," said Marie.

Double D sighed. "Oh dear. All our hope lies in Eddy!"

"That dork?" Kevin groaned.

"He is probably thinking of other ways to swindle the derivable!" growled Rolf.

"Yeah!" agreed Sarah.

Nazz still had hope. "You think he'll come through?"

Lee and Marie started to giggle. "They don't know, do they?" Lee asked with mock innocence.

Double D narrowed his eyebrows. "Know about what?"

"Yeah, what?" asked May.

"We left the little cutie a special present," said Lee. "A ton of firecrackers!"

May glared. "You never tell me anything..."

At that moment, an explosion was heard. Blasted off by the firecrackers, Eddy flew across the Cul-De-Sac, towards the creek. He landed on the Kanker's "ship" and knocked the girls off of Plank, safely over to the other tied-up kids.

"Eddy saved us!" cheered Nazz.

Eddy sat up in a daze. "I did? Awesome! Do I get paid now?"

"Get him!" ordered Lee.

"Grab your sword, Eddy!" called Double D.

Eddy pulled out what he thought was his sword, but, like the last time, it turned out to be Plank. "Not again!" Since Eddy had been standing on Plank before, this meant that he was standing on nothing. With a splash, he fell into the creek.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Across the way, at the Park 'N Flush, Ed and Victor still sat in the cage. The two of them heard the kids' cries. Instinct set in. The boy and the goat began to ram against the cage's bars, trying to break it open.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eddy swam back towards the Kankers and managed to boost himself onboard again, managing to untie the kids. The Kankers were ready, though, and began to fight their freed captives. Although Kevin, Rolf, and Nazz did a good job, the others didn't do much of anything but run. This was difficult, as there really was nowhere to run, anyway.

Realizing how terrified everyone was, the Kankers shrugged and simply ran at the kids, hoping they would fall off the boat. Jimmy was the first, followed by Johnny.

"Don't let Plank get wet!" cried Johnny. Holding his board up, he fell into the water. Just as his arms began to sink, Plank getting closer and closer to the water, something swam across and saved him. It was Ed riding Victor! The two had escaped the cage and were coming to the rescue.

"Here I come to save the day!" announced Ed. Victor rammed the boat, sending the Kankers overboard. The girls screamed in horror as the goat swam after them, chasing them off into the distance.

Double D was relieved. "Good job, Ed! But will Victor be okay?"

Rolf watched his goat swim off. "Victor will surly return, although it may not be for a while. He has given chase for up to a week before!"

"A week without the Kankers?" cried Jimmy. Everyone cheered. With a smile, Double D took control of the ship and sailed everyone home.

When they docked, the kids happily got off and left, most likely to go to bed. Surprisingly, a few of them tossed quarters to the Eds!

"Did we do it?" asked Ed.

"If you mean by having a successful scam," said Double D, "then yes!"

Eddy started to run towards the candy store. "Then grab the money and come with me! We'll talk about our next scam over jawbreakers! How do you feel about Wonderland...?"

THE END


End file.
